Every week I will personally respond to one question received via email or social media. If you send me a question, you do not need to give your name. If you have a question, you are not alone – there are others who want to know the same thing! Please submit your burning question to: firstname.lastname@example.org to participate.
Q: I feel beyond stuck. I love my life but I also secretly hate parts of it. I hate that I struggle to get clients, that I fear no one will like me, that I will look stupid or dumb. I don’t make enough sales calls because I talk myself out them (they don’t want to hear from me anyway!). I hate that I have this big dream and I can’t seem to figure out how to make it real.
This feeling is eating away at me, despite people saying I have a great life. I feel like I am dying inside! ~ Angie
A: I just came back from own coach’s Master Mind retreat and I learned something that I had never really thought about before (and that’s why I will never stop being coached, there is always something to learn!).
Her question to the group was this: What are you tolerating in your life and in your business? Tolerations are things we put up with, we bear, we deal with and pretend aren’t there.
I’m not talking about compromising, I am talking about the things in our business and in our life that are getting in the way of us getting exactly what we want. Our tolerations escape from our past to continually haunt us. We pick up tolerations as we get older and before we know it, we are living our lives based on the things that we just put up with and call them ‘our every day’.
As people we have learned to tolerate A LOT! We put up with, get dragged down by other people’s behaviours, situations, unmet needs, crossed boundaries, incompletions, frustrations, problems and even our own behaviour.
Lorree and I did this exercise at the Master Mind and it immediately gave me the biggest A-Ha of my life. I didn’t realize I was toleration so much BS from myself and others (that includes family, friends, clients). Once you are aware, everything changes because you can’t go back to not knowing.
Grab a piece of paper and write down 1-50 on the left side of the paper and start writing down what, in your life and business, are you just putting up and accepting as ‘it is just the way it is, or I am just the way I am’.
To get you started look at these areas of your life:
Are you overweight? Out of shape? Eating badly? You are tolerating being overweight, not exercise and not eating properly. When you stop tolerating your poor healthy regime, you start to work on fixing it. If your weight and shape affect your self image, your self-image takes on a new shape and you feel better about yourself, have more energy, your wardrobe will change and you will peel away any negative feelings you may have about yourself.
Your bank account is a true reflection on what you are tolerating in your business! It’s the easiest way to see if you are picking up the phone and asking people to work with you, how many people you are helping, what your biggest fears are in your business.
Who in your life is judging you? Any negative Nellies? Anyone cross the boundary lines with you and you let them? It is not uncommon for the people who are closest to us to be our biggest critics (spouse, children, parents, siblings). What about the judgements you have toward yourself?
So your tolerations may look like this:
My lack of ownership
My bathroom that needs renovating
My clients that don’t pay on time
My messy house
My disorganized office
My story of lack
My weeds in the back yard
My need to be right
My need to be liked
The next step is to NOT make an excuse as to why your tolerating that thing, the next step is to ask yourself: ‘what do I need to do to eliminate it?”
So for example: your bathroom that needs renovating. You say you don’t have the money. You are tolerating not having money, so pick up the phone and get clients to pay for the bathroom. If fear of picking up the phone is a toleration, then look at your bank account, and stop tolerating a negative balance.
Don’t be resistant to change because of what you tolerated in your past.
Simply becoming aware and writing them down will bring them front and centre of your soul and you will naturally start eliminating, fixing, changing, growing and resolving these things you have tolerated.
When you stop doing the things you don’t want to do, you will be happier and more confident. You start to take the action that will get you to your dream.
Who can put a price tag on that?
And be sure to let me know your results!